March 28, 2010

• It’s all my fault.

       I’ve always blamed myself for my problems. Seeing knowingly guilty people point the finger at anything, everything, anyone and everyone that offers a plausible alternative to their own their own failures greatly upsets me. My problems stem from choices I’ve made in the past that were based either on impatience or naivety. Simply put, I am too quick to trust the wrong people, and when I do I live with it as if it’s no big deal, often as if I did it on purpose or with good intentions. Each of the hundreds of terrible decisions I’ve made over the years, however, are like fifty pound weights I carry on my back. The burden of this weight has driven me straight into the ground, but that hasn’t stopped me from adding to it. I need to dump the weight and remove myself from this pit of despair, but I’ve lived in it’s disgusting mire for so long I call it home. I’ve decorated the walls with excuses to make it livable, and I’ve shut myself out of the real world to avoid hearing people tell me I’m in a bad place. I don’t want to leave; this is my home, this is my life, and it always will be unless I make some painful but necessary changes starting now.

  Please continue to pray for me, I really need and sincerely appreciate your support. I’ve been on my knees begging the LORD for guidance since my last post, and let me assure you miracles have become of it.

  • 2:07 am
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