My mom is a perfectionist. My dad is a perfectionist. My brother is a perfectionist. I am a perfectionist.
Have you ever seen more than one perfectionist in the same room attempting to work together to accomplish something? It's not pretty. My dad and I both know about our family's perfection problem, and that knowledge has saved a lot of trouble over the years. My mom and by brother, however, cannot even be in the same room together if either of them is trying to get something done. They'll stop at nothing to "get in the last word" and they'll go on and on and on until my mom runs up to the computer to bring the blood boiling down to a simmer, and/or the "fight" gets split up by me or my dad. This is the problem with perfectionism. Sure, getting things done as close to perfect as possible is great, but everyone has their own idea of "perfect" which is why two perfectionists will never be able to get anything done together (except marriage, I guess, because my parents are perfectionists and have been happily married for 25 years).
After reading PedroThePoet's blog entry about sports, I left a comment that not even I saw coming. It was quite revealing (although simply written), and it really made me think.
(Quick disclaimer: I use the word "perfect" pretty loosely here, so don't get all up tight about how humans aren't perfect. Ok? Good. On with the show.)
The Downsides of Perfectionism:
1) Getting a girlfriend
Sure, there are some people who find their "soul mate" and live happily ever after. A perfectionist, me for example, finds it very difficult to even find someone worth asking out. I'll be 23 years old this year, and I've only had two girlfriends. Why? Because finding the slightest "incompatibility" when considering a girl completely tips the scales in the "nope" direction. This is the reason being a perfectionist totally stinks. I have a certain way I want my girlfriend to look, a certain way I want her to act, a certain way I want her raise the kids; the list goes on. Granted, some of these things aren't really a big deal to those who don't have the perfectionist curse, but for those who do, marrying someone who's desired traits aren't "just so" usually doesn't work out. Perfectionism makes the small things seem much much bigger than they are.
2) Participating in sports
Playing sports develops character. You learn how to work well with a team of people you don't necessarily like, you learn to respect the decisions of authorities, and you learn how to take care of your body (in some cases). Perfectionists, real ones, cannot participate in team sports unless their in the ONLY position on the team that needs to be done perfectly. Positions like a quarterback in football, or a goalie in hockey are reasonable, but that's about it. A true perfectionist, however, sees nothing but the "wrongdoings" of everyone else, and, rather than calling them out, wants to take their place. "If I don't do it myself, it won't be done right." This is a mentality I struggle with all the time. One-on-one sports like pool and bowling are perfect for perfectionists, because in games such as these, the perfectionist is the only person on the team. I love pool, and bowling, for this reason. If I win, it wasn't anyone else's doing. If I lose, it's because I did something wrong, not because the other person is better (or more perfect) than me.
3) Doing well in school
This section may be more about me than perfectionists in general, but I'll include it to keep things interesting. Have you ever written a paper, or finished a project or assignment, and said, "Good enough"? A perfectionist cannot do this. When given an assignment in school, I had to make sure it was done perfectly. I wouldn't even start the assignment until I had the perfect way to finish it in mind. Every passing moment brought more frustration and pain, because I couldn't think of a way. Since I don't care much for pain and frustration, I eventually stopped thinking about any school work altogether. "If I can't do it perfectly, I'm not gonna do it." All my teachers, from first grade through college, have told me I do "really good when I put my mind to it." I'm really good when they give me an assignment, and I immediately know the most perfect way to complete it.
4) Blogging
Blogging is dangerous for the perfectionist. Spelling, grammar, punctuation, page layout, profile picture quality, spacing, color, readability, credibility, the list goes on and on. All things must be perfect. There's nothing that hurts me more than reading a blog loaded with spelling/grammar errors. I can read someone's paper that's filled with errors, because then I can tell the person (whom I probably know if their asking me to read their paper) where the errors are and fix any errors for them (because if they tried to do it themselves, it's obvious they'd screw it up more). On an internet blog, if I see a spelling error on someone's page, I can bitch about it all I want, but for one, I don't know the person, for two, I don't know if the error is accidental, or assumed to be correct by the person who wrote it, for three, if I do complain about it, they'll be the one's fixing it (if they fix it) and they'll probably do it wrong. (After all this, I'm expecting some intentional spelling errors in the comment section, so at least try and be original.)
In the end, and I hope this is obvious, perfectionism is more of a mental disorder than a social personality benefit. I hope you enjoyed the story, and I hope it was perfect enough for you. lol. Peace.
~Josh
Comments (8)
Excellent post, Josh. I think we touched on it a little last night that so-called virtues can be vices, but this is really laying it out in detail exactly what that can mean. Recommendio! ha.
I see perfectionism as a part of OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder); doing things over and over until it's "right". Don't stress out too bad...I still love you
As a former anorexic from a family full of perfectionists I know all about the downsides to being one and can fully identify with this post. It can completely run, and ruin, your life if you let it. And another problem with perfectionism is that you cannot accept gifts or grace. You are perfectly capable of giving both, but have none for yourself. Thank you for this post, I needed a reminder.
Beautifully well written, sir.
~A random passerby
@gracebeyondmeasure - Thank you. :)
@sillyrae - Well, I don't lock the door five times every time I go out, but I, as well as most people (I believe), do show some traits of OCD. Everyone has an inner perfectionist, whether it be in keeping your car clean, or your silverware properly aligned, basically anything that looks like OCD but is really just a way to make life simpler.
@GreekPhysique - We did indeed touch on this subject yesterday (which was most deffinately fun by the way), and thanks. Recommendio? If that means you were going to recommend it, you forgot. Sorry for pointing you out, but I'm a bit of a perfectionist. :)
I'm am a perfectionist, but I have spells of apathy that keep me sane. I'm more of an obsessive personality type.
You'd enjoy the OLD post I made about it: http://weblog.xanga.com/WiseOrFool/612961675/open-the-book.html
It's long, but worth the read.
@respawn87 - So, were you describing ME, or yourself? Cause I can't tell. Well said, sir. I'm exactly the same way. I live messy, too, but it's a PERFECT mess, not a random mess. One reason I've come up with for living this way, is that I see the mess, understand that it'll never stay organized, no matter how well I organize it, and just let it be. After cleaning my room thousands of times, I began to wonder what the point was. Cleaning a livingspace is like editing a paper. I already cleaned this before, why the hec am I cleaning it again? Thanks for the mini.
I agree completely, though my own perfectionism tends to only be so bad in focused areas. Cleaning is a hard thing for me to do. It seems pretty pointless if I can't get everything just right, which includes getting all of the streaks out of the mirror. Man, that bugs me. Haha. Great blog entry.