Thursday, 24 July 2008
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Currently Listening
The Life I Know
By Gwen Stacy
see relatedFear of Judgement
by vwagenjetta
As you read this, please consider the following quote:
"We probably wouldn't worry about what people think of us if we [only knew] how seldom they do." - Olin MillerI've noticed a type of fear that in some of my closest friends that is holding them back from living full lives, and recent events have inspired me to come out and say something about it. The fear I'm talking about is that of offending others, and of others' judgement. People with issues such as these are so worried about others being hurt or upset by their actions, or even their presence (amongst a specific crowd), that they will avoid even the most enjoyable of situations because of it.
There have been times when I've let some things slide in my life because I didn't want to offend those involved (simply to avoid unwanted or unnecessary conflict). I believe all of us have at one time or another. Avoiding embarrassment is human nature. But going out of your way to avoid any and all embarrassment, or judgement, or offense is a pathetic pathetic way to live. Really pathetic! Here's why...
#1 - It's selfish. When we hold our tongue instead of speaking up, or keep away from situations where people might think less of us for whatever reason, we no longer care about helping others move forward in life. We only care about dodging conflict and keeping things comfortable for ourselves.
#2 - It's cowardly. The refusal to voice our opinion regardless of who might be offended shows our lack of courage. It reveals the ugly truth that we allow others to intimidate us into submission, and basically lead our lives for us. Proverbs 29:25 says, "Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the Lord means safety." If we flee from, or dodge, the judgement of others rather than trust in the Lord's safety, we are not at all living in the way God calls us to live. Isaiah 44:9b says, "Those who [speak up for sinners] are blind; ignorant to their own shame." I believe that not speaking up against sin is no different than speaking on its behalf.
#3 - It's dumb. Offending GOD, whose judgement is far more important than that of mere humans, is a lot worse than offending a friend, a community, or an individual; especially someone you don't know, and will probably never see again. Offending God has eternal ramifications. THAT should concern us more than someone's precious little feelings getting ruffled (yours included).#4 - It's arrogant. You are a sinner. I am a sinner. Everyone is a sinner. 1 Corinthians 15:33 says, "Bad company corrupts good morals"; avoiding contact with someone for fear of being seen with a sinner, however, is not at all what this verse is talking about. You shouldn't be afraid to be seen with someone who's "sinful lifestyle choices" you don't approve of because you're no less of a sinner than they are. Just because you sin less, doesn't mean you're sinless.
Here's my point. Don't let fear (or low self esteem) hold you back from living out God's purpose for your life. Proverbs 19:21 says, "You can make many plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail." God's plan for your life cannot be avoided and putting it off will only give you less time to fulfill it in the end. Be bold in your faith, avoid and speak out against sin, and trust the Lord's judgement rather than fearing the world's.
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Comments (11)
So true, so true.
@VaultESL - Indeed.
I like reason #5. I wish my mom would have thought about that when I was a teenager. My dad wasn't so bad, but my mom would freak out on me if she heard about me hanging out with some people who were "the bad kids," or saw me talking to a group of people who were dubious characters. I never really actually got involved in what these people were doing, but I didn't see anything wrong with talking to them at youth group or hanging out with some of them in the afternoons. But my mom was so concerned about her image, and how it made her look for people to know that her son was hanging around with what some people called a "bad crowd."
Probably the worst, worst, worst time she ever freaked out was when I was about 16. I was playing bass in a Christian punk band with a couple friends , and we had a pretty good reputation and a good amount of fans, so we were looking to play some shows before our drummer had to leave for college. (My parent's knew what kind of band I was in, and had no problem with the music or anything. We had played a couple of times at churches, and they had been there.) Well we got a show together with some really good local hardcore bands. My youth leader brought a bunch of people from our church to see the show, including my parents. Apparently my mother never actually payed attention to the type of music I liked, because when the people walked in and saw us moshing to hardcore music, my mom flipped. I got called outside, and got an earful from her about how I was not presenting a good image and how she was embarrased. And she also included the phrase "How can you listen to this shit?" It was the only time, ever, that I've heard my mom use the word "shit." It was actually quite amusing, to be honest. I had to cut the argument short because we were headlining the show, and we had to get ready. I think I made the worst mistake possible when I told the crowd "This one's for my mom," right before playing our most hardcore song... but I was young and not-so-smart back then.
So, yeah, I liked this post. It's so true. As I've grown older, I've started caring more about my image, but mostly in the sense that I won't participate in a lot of things that others do. I do occasionally slip into the way of not doing things for fear of judgement, but I'm usually not afraid to do something just because someone might get offended. I think you were right on with all of your points.
We want, too much, the approval of others. Why? Because it is not enough to have us happy with our actions. Maybe it is that we worry we're all alone, and someone praising our actions make us seem real? We try too hard.
(By 'we' I mean Humans.)
@WiseOrFool - That makes sense.
external validation is not my biggest demon (low self-esteem is), I accept the fact that I will not and can not impress most people, for I am human and I know God does not wish that either; however, it is an issue when I'm around girls I like or family members. How could you think I wouldnt reccomed this?
@LeadMyWay - I didn't think you wouldn't, I just wanted to make sure you would. :) And if low self esteem was your biggest demon, you wouldn't outwardly care about what people will think of you if you were to _________. That's an anxiety problem. Low self esteem leads you to think less of your self, not worry about what others think of you.
Thanks for posting this. I think I am growing out of this quickly, which is nice. I used to be a doormat that said, "Welcome to Switzerland."
Seriously...
And these people who think that if they hang out with sinners they're going to catch it or something have apparently never engaged their brain while reading the Bible. Who did Jesus hang out with?
So, again...thanks for speaking up about this.
@Viewtiful_Justin - "Who did Jesus hang out with?" Exactly.
@vwagenjetta - I still think low self esteem is my biggest problem, after all is not everything affected by my "self-proclaimed" worthlessness? Think about it, do people really want to associate with a worthless percieved person? I think not, nice try though
@LeadMyWay - You think people don't want to hang out with you because of your low self esteem, but that's not true. You're letting your self-esteem (or lack there of) take control of your life, and in doing so you're lowering your esteem level even further! The more worthless you "proclaim" you are, the less you'll want to be around people; and the less you're around people, the more worthless you'll feel. It's a never ending cycle which must be broken before it breaks you!