February 9, 2009
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I’ve been given an answer!!
Praise be to God, my prayers have been answered! God has blessed me with the answer I’ve been desperately begging Him to give me for a long time now.
I love Rachel. I really do. And that’s why this has all been so hard for me to digest all this time. I don’t hate her. She’s pulled her weight around the house since she moved in, and she’s never wronged me personally in any way since I met her. She’s a fantastic person to be around, and over the past two years has become the closest of all the friends I’ve ever had. Her kids are great, and I really feel sorry for them not being able to have a better life, but the truth remains.
That truth is this: Rachel is nothing more than a really close friend to me. All this time I’ve thought to myself that if this love relationship was intended to end I would have no problem kicking her out with nothing and forgetting I’d met her as if it were nothing more than just a bad memory. But I don’t hate her. She’s a very dear friend, and a wonderful person. All this time I’ve been fooling myself into thinking it was meant to be something more than that
My last girlfriend wronged me in so many ways that ending the relationship was easy. I hated how she had used me day in and day out for an entire year, and it was more that obvious that continuing a friendship, no less a relationship with her was out of the question, in both God’s eyes and mine. But this relationship is different. God has led me to Rachel, and Rachel to me so that his purpose for our lives may sooner be fulfilled.
When I met Rachel, I thought I was in touch with God, and that I was leading a life for Him. But I wasn’t, and being with Rachel over these last couple years has taught me a great deal about the consequences of putting all my trust in people (including myself) for personal gain instead of trusting God to provide my needs and use me to further His purposes.
From now on, things will be different. Better, actually. My suffering at the hands of my family for dating someone I’m not compatible with will stop, both Rachel and I can go out and find a person who will better our lives in every way possible, and at the same time we can be just as close as we are now, but as friends rather than lovers because I think that’s obviously the way it was meant to be.
Comments (1)
Man this is awesome. I'm glad you've finally found an answer. I know that God will use your decision as a tool for building your relationship with Him, and you will grow in your faith because you are trusting His will for your life. Doesn't it feel great to have a decision made? I know when something big is weighing on my heart, it affects my whole life. Once I come to a conclusion, that weight rolls off. I'm still praying for you, that you will continue to seek God's will for your future. I hope your new position at work is going well too, sounds a lot better than working in the freezer all day.
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