September 5, 2010

• Pizza Roll Heaven

  If you don’t love pizza rolls, I don’t blame you. They’re soggy and gross out of the microwave, and who the heck wants to preheat the oven just to make a quick snack? I’m going to show you the only way pizza rolls should be made. The way that’s not listed on the bag, because if it was, Totino’s knows they’d be responsible for the ensuing pizza-roll-eating zombie apocalypse.

  *Warning: If you’re on a diet, do not proceed. The cooking instructions about to be presented will send you into a pizza roll binging frenzy.

  Step 1: Preheat your deep fryer (oh yea) to 375 degrees.

  

   

  Step 2: Once the oil is preheated, drop as many pizza rolls as you can fit into the basket (trust me, you will eat them all)

   

   

  Step 3: Set your kitchen timer for two and a half to three minutes

  

   

  Step 4: Once the shells are crispy, crunchy, flakey and delicious, remove the rolls from the oil and drain for about 30 seconds

   

   

  Step 5: Place the rolls on a plate with a paper towel over it

  

   

  Step 6: Take a moment to gawk at your creation. You’re life is about to change.

  

   

  Step 7: Bite off a corner of one pizza roll and let the steam pour out as you enjoy the crispy goodness of deep fried pizza rolls for the first time. Do what you can to maintain self-control as the symphony of crunchy goodness in your mouth makes it’s way towards climax. Once it does, inhale the rest (careful, the filling is REALLY hot) and start another bag in the fryer.

  What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever tried deep frying? How did it turn out?

  • 9:30 pm
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